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Home Forums The BBXX Podcast: Let's Get Intimate! Episodes 13 & 14 – “Keeping It Casual” with Zhana Vrangalova

  • Episodes 13 & 14 – “Keeping It Casual” with Zhana Vrangalova

  • Valentina

    Moderator
    September 14, 2020 at 7:55 am
    • What did you learn about yourself?
    • What did you learn about culture?
    • What was your favorite quote?
    • What surprised you most?
    • What is one way you can enact what you learned in your own life?
    • How can we each help shift the culture and the conversation surrounding this topic?
  • Amy

    Member
    September 15, 2020 at 2:28 pm

    The thing that I learned about myself while listening to this episode is that casual sex is a bad thing when young people are in college and that as adults casual sex isn’t so bad. The thing that I learned about culture was that young people in college are told that going out on the weekends and getting drunk then having meaningless casual sex is accepted.The thing that surprised me most was that people out of college see casual sex as just a hookup and they will never see that person again.The one way that I can enact what I learned in my own life is to have a relationship with a man that isn’t just a casual hookup when it should be based on a real connection. The way that we can each shift the culture and the conversation about this topic is to educate ourselves about how casual hookups are not always a good thing and that building a real connection with someone will allow us to live more fulfilling lives.

  • Hope

    Moderator
    September 18, 2020 at 1:59 pm

    It is interesting to consider that casual sex is a way for some people to avoid being vulnerable to another person, but also just a way that people would rather have sex currently in their life.

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with people choosing to take the path of sex vs. a relationship– I believe certain people prefer their own independence and can’t settle down at different points in their life so they decide to put emotions on the back burner, for now. Some may even decide to never settle down and I believe that is their choice and they shouldn’t feel discouraged by said choice.

    However, I also believe that casual sex may be difficult to truly understand due to miscommunication that tends to occur amidst the grey area of casual sex, “Are we dating? Are we exclusive? If we hang out all the time, why don’t we just make it official?” I think casual sex overall is ok, as long as there is strong communication from the beginning and throughout so both parties involved are able to be on the same page and not end up in the grey area.

  • Valentina

    Moderator
    September 21, 2020 at 10:13 am

    I found really interesting the concept of hook up scripts and how they can be negative or healthy, but only the scripts and not the hook up itself. So if you’re a person that likes casual sex you’ll just need to follow sex possitive scripts where it’s all about sexual empowerment, pleasure and communication.

    This is a topic that I don’t know much about and I really learned a lot listening!

    • Jessica

      Moderator
      September 28, 2020 at 10:28 am

      Hi Valentina! I also found the fact that hook up scripts–not the hook up itself–are good, bad, or toxic. We can definitely learn something from the scripts in sex-positive communities to have better casual experiences, i.e., little to no intoxication, mutual enthusiastic consent, mutual pleasure, deep intimacy, and communication throughout the experience.

  • Andrea

    Moderator
    September 23, 2020 at 12:29 pm

    This was one of my favorite episodes! So as a young woman I have enjoyed casual sex (it just seemed natural) but along with it I’ve gotten critiqued by my own girlfriends who like me also were raised in a conservative Latin family. My position is this one: If it makes me feel good, if it allows me to enjoy a moment of intimacy and helps me work-out, I will do it! Yet it has not been easy to accept this part of my life fully and definitely had some issues figuring out how to manage a healthy lifestyle having different partners (is just something no one really guides you about) so I thank the expert for giving us this insight! It made me realize at the end of the day we are all seeking for connection one way or another and it truly does not matter how close the relationship with your partner is as long as you both are being respectful to each other and of course, having a great time!

  • Michelle

    Moderator
    September 28, 2020 at 9:12 am

    I remember talking to my female friends about our sex lives our second semester of college and loved how, even in casual hookups, they “demanded” their partner to go down on them in every encounter. Especially with hookups, it sucks that male partners expect themselves to orgasm but their female partners needs aren’t even a thought in their mind.

  • Sarah

    Member
    October 7, 2020 at 10:24 pm

    Hookup culture is not necessarily the problem its the scripts/norms around the culture itself, such as alcohol consumption. The emphasis on intoxication take away from our own authenticity and autonomy in our sexual encounters disempowering an individual who is engaging in hookup culture to essentially fill a void. However, hookup culture can be viewed positively, like in Latin America where there is enthusiastic consent from both parties and is typically in participation without severe intoxication. Here both partners want to pleasure each other and do not walk away with feelings of being taken advantage of. This highlights how important it is not to blame hookup culture itself, but rather the toxic scripts that surround it.

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