If you don’t speak English natively, you might think this is a super casual expression that people use all the time. You might even use it yourself.
But for me as a native English speaker, the term hilariously abrasive and it makes me laugh that people in Chile think it’s casual. To me it means a person I don’t give a shit about and use their body for sex. But I generally like to give a shit about the person I’m having sex with, even if only a little, so I would never use it. “Friends with benefits” perhaps is what might be more appropriate. I often even use “my friend I make out with,” to give it a lighter more joking feeling. But at least they’re considered a friend there, and I’m not fucking them over.
When it comes to having sex there are already ohh so many things that they don’t teach you in school. And when it comes to having sex in another language, it truly takes that to a whole new level. I studied Spanish throughout university, but when I moved to Chile I realized that I didn’t have the slightest idea what the relevant parts of the body are called. Pezones? Nope. Muslos? Qué??
Thankfully you can communicate a lot through the tone of your voice, if not what you’re actually saying, but I must admit the repeated “what?” between both languages isn’t ideal. I’ve expanded my vocabulary but what I’ve noticed is that people don’t attach meaning to what their saying in another language. For example, I have English speaking friends who say it’s easy for them to say “te amo” but they would never say “I love you” to that same person. Words in your native language come with a history of uses, implications, and connotations that would take decades to develop in another language.
Enter the fact that 1.5 billion people in the world speak English, but only one third of them do so natively. That’s a whole lot of other people who are probably getting jiggy in a language that they are not as “intimate” with. The other two thirds have probably learned a great deal from school or from movies- again, neither of which teach you anything helpful for having sex in real life.
As someone who is having sex in another language myself, it fascinates me to ask other people about their experiences. I feel like I can’t actually express myself and when I try to I feel like an idiot 50% of the time because I have to conjugate my desires in the fucking subjunctive- which might I remind you doesn’t exist in English– and then I realized I’m probably doing it wrong, at which point I give up and just enjoy my orgasms with less spoken language. Which works great, but I also love dirty talk so it’s a bit of a bummer.
The other day a Spanish speaking friend told me she was having sex with an American guy, and so I immediately asked in what language. “English” she responded. And I immediately followed up to ask how difficult she found it to be. Only to be shocked when she told me “I actually feel much sexier in English.” I was both very surprised and jealous. She then told me, “yeah because a lot of the porn I watch is in English anyways.” And I thought, but what does that have to do with it?? So I asked, “ Well, you’re not repeating what they say in porn… right??” She told me she was. I’m not going to go into details here, but the conversation ended with her saying- “Oh my god I’m a porn sex doll, no wonder all the guys like me so much.” I told her, “No, well… kind of… basically… yes.”
And here I realized not only how many time one of the two people might be having sex with English as their second language, but how many times BOTH people might be having sex in their second language (or third language, yeah whatever, stop being so fancy).
Let me just say this it’s totallyyy fine if you want to sound like a porn sex doll- we’re not judging! We just want to make sure you know that you do.
And for all you dudes out there, just so you know, if I was having sex with you and you started reciting the kind of degrading bullshit they say in porn- I would laugh in your face and be severely offended at the same time. And then slap you.
So just in case any of you want to sound a little less theatrical and a lot more real, here is a beginner’s dictionary for you. Spoiler alert- “Fuck me with your big hard cock” is most definitely NOT on it.
I love how ___ you feel
I love how ___ you are
It feels so good when you ___
I want to ___
I remember when ____
I love the way you make me feel
Just like that / Don’t stop
Harder / Deeper / Faster / Slower