If a woman asks if she’s ever had an orgasm before, the answer is likely no. Or just one.
It’s kind of like saying you’re not sure if you’ve ever been in love before or not- in which case the answer is definitely no. You know when it happens. Although admittedly, like falling in love, having an orgasm can also be surprisingly difficult to identify the first time. Before you have anything to compare to, its always hard to recognize what we’re experiencing in the present.
(Then we look back and it’s like duhhhh.)
I remember the first time I understood what an orgasm was. I had had one before, but I don’t think I understood what exactly had happened, except for that it was a crazy bizarre feeling- but without an explanation, without the proper context, and without it having been repeated since- the experience didn’t have a label, it didn’t have a name.
I was a freshman in high school and I was sitting on the floor in my room with a group of girlfriends. At some point I think one of them must have asked what an orgasm is, or what it feels like. One of the other girls responded simply,
“It’s like your heart beat….. down there.”
And my mind was blown, because it wasn’t until that very moment that I realized what I had experienced and could put a mental label on it. And most importantly- try and figure out how the hell to repeat it!
I love the metaphor of the heart beat because it stands for something so much bigger–it truly is like your heart beating down there–not only literally but metaphorically. This is important not only for women but just as much so for men- because this is the sure way to know if a woman has had an orgasm. She might try and fake telling you so, but there’s no way that she can fake the insane pulsations that happen. And yes, it’s just like pulsations in the penis that occur when men have an orgasm, so you should know what I’m talking about and how to identify it.
What exactly causes that orgasmically pleasurable heart beat?
Well, while men are nearing orgasm, contractions of the prostate and seminal glands produce secretions that enter the urethra and mix with sperm to create semen. When orgasm is reached, ejeculation ocurrs, and the muscles of the penis—specifically the ischiocavernosus and bulbocavernosus—begin to rhythmically contract.
When females reach orgasm, the muscles of the vagina and uterus also produce powerful, rhythmic contractions. These contractions are actually a great source of the pleasure during orgasm, as they release all of the muscle tension built up during the excitement and plateau phases.
This is something than many men, and many women as well, don’t know.
This is also where the famous PC (pubococcygeus) muscles, and kegel exercises, come into play! The PC muscles are part of those that are automatically and repeatedly contracting and releasing during orgasm (the process of which is speculated to be an evolutionary method for encouraging sperm to flow up the vagina to the cervix for a greater likelihood of impregnation).
The PC muscles line the vaginal walls and are activated when making that clenching sensation. So, strengthening them outside of sexy time can strengthen them to put them to better use during sexy time. Basically, the stronger the muscle is, the harder it can contract and release with those pulsations, and the more powerful will be the resulting glorious orgasm. Squeezing the PC muscles throughout sex can also be good practice for the muscles, while also adding extra sensations for the man.
So while PC muscles and kegel exercises come with many perks- they’re important for giving birth, recovering from pregnancy, and preventing women from peeing when laughing too hard– they also help you come. Stronger and harder 😉 So remember next time you’re at the gym that working out is important- for many different parts of your body. And isn’t it always more important how you feel than how you look, anyways?
So men- when your partner’s vagina seems to be literally experience fits of pleasure or attempting to eat whatever member currently inside of it- you might have found your fool proof evidence that you got her off. And if you have absolutely no trace of anything discussed in this article in your real life- start paying attention and find out! Otherwise you might need to rethink your bedroom success 😉