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Prioritizing Your Intimacy

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  1. INTRODUCTION
    Welcome to Prioritizing Your Intimacy!
    1 Topic
  2. The science behind prioritizing your intimacy
    What do we mean by intimacy?
  3. The science behind prioritizing your intimacy
    1 Topic
  4. Love languages
    Love languages
    1 Topic
  5. Affection
    Catch your partner doing something right
    1 Topic
  6. Catch your partner doing something right
    Affection
  7. Love Maps
    The importance of showing affection
    1 Topic
  8. Appreciation, recognition, and empathy
    The principle of building Love Maps
    1 Topic
  9. Appreciation
  10. Recognition
  11. Empathy
  12. The Four Horsemen
    Homework
  13. Listening
    The Four Horsemen
    1 Topic
  14. Don't try and cheer your partner up
    Listen and learn
  15. Transforming criticism into wishes
    Don't always try and cheer your partner up
    1 Topic
  16. Process an argument
    Transforming criticism into wishes
    1 Topic
  17. Is Not Rocket Science
    Processing is a process
    1 Topic
  18. The 6-second kiss & the 20-second hug
    Your sexual relationship "is not rocket science"
    1 Topic
  19. Talking about sex
    The 6 second kiss & the 20 second hug
    1 Topic
  20. How many times a week
    How to learn and grow & what turns you on
    1 Topic
  21. How to reject your partner
    Is there a magic number?
  22. The art of compromise
    How to turn down sex
    1 Topic
  23. Self care isn't selfish
    What is a compromise?
    1 Topic
  24. Mutual masturbation
    Self care isn't selfish
    1 Topic
  25. Smartphones
    Mutual Masturbation = Hot AF
  26. Happiness is love
    Smartphone sabotage
    1 Topic
  27. Happiness = Love
Lesson 15 of 27
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Don’t always try and cheer your partner up

BBXX November 13, 2020

Don’t always try and cheer your partner up

Via the Gottman Institute

Whenever someone is upset or sad, our natural response may be to try and cheer that person up.
Yes, sometimes that might be what the person needs, perhaps a distraction. But sometimes, especially if this is someone very close to us such as our partner, that might actually be the opposite of what they need.

The tricky part with empathy is that it isn’t about trying to lift your partner’s, or anyone’s, spirits. It’s about validating the emotions that they feel, and understanding why they feel the way they do.

So, if our partner is experiencing difficult emotions—anger, sadness, fear, disappointment—don’t try to cheer them up or calm them down. Instead, sit with them and offer words of understanding and support. Allow them to feel what they need to feel.

Don’t try to problem solve, either. Even though that can feel like the right thing to do at the moment, it can come later instead. The most important thing to do is to offer empathy, which will help your partner feel validated.

Often times the partner who is listening feels responsible for making their partner happy, but our errors and misconceptions actually stem from that misconception- from taking on that responsibility and trying to fix it. Sometimes what actually cheers our partner (or anyone) up and makes them feel happy is simply being heard and feeling understood.

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