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Prioritizing Your Intimacy

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  1. INTRODUCTION
    Welcome to Prioritizing Your Intimacy!
    1 Topic
  2. The science behind prioritizing your intimacy
    What do we mean by intimacy?
  3. The science behind prioritizing your intimacy
    1 Topic
  4. Love languages
    Love languages
    1 Topic
  5. Affection
    Catch your partner doing something right
    1 Topic
  6. Catch your partner doing something right
    Affection
  7. Love Maps
    The importance of showing affection
    1 Topic
  8. Appreciation, recognition, and empathy
    The principle of building Love Maps
    1 Topic
  9. Appreciation
  10. Recognition
  11. Empathy
  12. The Four Horsemen
    Homework
  13. Listening
    The Four Horsemen
    1 Topic
  14. Don't try and cheer your partner up
    Listen and learn
  15. Transforming criticism into wishes
    Don't always try and cheer your partner up
    1 Topic
  16. Process an argument
    Transforming criticism into wishes
    1 Topic
  17. Is Not Rocket Science
    Processing is a process
    1 Topic
  18. The 6-second kiss & the 20-second hug
    Your sexual relationship "is not rocket science"
    1 Topic
  19. Talking about sex
    The 6 second kiss & the 20 second hug
    1 Topic
  20. How many times a week
    How to learn and grow & what turns you on
    1 Topic
  21. How to reject your partner
    Is there a magic number?
  22. The art of compromise
    How to turn down sex
    1 Topic
  23. Self care isn't selfish
    What is a compromise?
    1 Topic
  24. Mutual masturbation
    Self care isn't selfish
    1 Topic
  25. Smartphones
    Mutual Masturbation = Hot AF
  26. Happiness is love
    Smartphone sabotage
    1 Topic
  27. Happiness = Love
Lesson 14 of 27
In Progress

Listen and learn

BBXX November 13, 2020

Fact:
Listening is an essential part of building love and trust between partners.

Fact: 
Statistically speaking, most people aren’t good listeners…

Fact:
It’s an acquired skill! 
So the good news is that you can still become one. It’s not only an acquired skill, but a very necessary one to have. 

 

An important part of every inquiry, discussion, or conflict is to approach it from the angle of curiosity. Before we can accuse someone of something, we best make sure we try and understand why something happened- why someone acted or reacted a certain way, why they communicated or failed to communicate a certain way, and what they were thinking, what their reasoning was behind it. Think of every conversation as an opportunity to learn.

Listening can be an especially difficult gift to give when you don’t feel as though it is being reciprocated. Feeling as though we are being heard is extremely important, without which the culmination of an argument might simply be someone losing their patience as a consequence or yelling in a desperate attempt to accomplish it.

You may have a great response ready to go, ready to interrupt to get it across. It’s easy to happen in any situation- with coworkers, friends, and family. We’re are all guilty of doing this at some point, and it can be very problematic, because if we’re already thinking about how we will respond we’re not fully attentive and mindful of what our partner is actually saying to us.

Remember that we can’t ever resolve a problem, let alone learn from it and prevent it from happening again, if we don’t fully understand why it happened. Being heard should not have to be demanded, it should be a respect we give to others and receive in return. Sometimes the more we listen and the less we say, the more people actually open up to us. This is a vital skill that you can practice and learn from in your relationships of all kinds.

 

 Learn three steps to practicing healthy listening:

 

1. COMMIT

Shift the focus away from yourself and postpone your own agenda as you tune into the other person’s world. It’s not about being interesting, it’s about being interested.

2.  ATTUNE

It’s your job as a listener to be present with the other person. Do not minimize their feelings. Do not try to make them feel better. Your goal is just to understand. You can do this by asking open-ended questions and by avoiding judgment.

3.  WITNESS

A powerful way to be there for the other person is to repeat back what you heard in your own words. For example: “I hear you saying that you really miss the times we used to go out for dinner and a movie. I understand that. I miss those times, too.” Don’t problem solve.

Fact:
Great listening leads to intimate conversation and healthier, stronger relationships.