Listen and learn

Fact:
Listening is an essential part of building love and trust between partners.

Fact: 
Statistically speaking, most people aren’t good listeners…

Fact:
It’s an acquired skill! 
So the good news is that you can still become one. It’s not only an acquired skill, but a very necessary one to have. 

An important part of every inquiry, discussion, or conflict is to approach it from the angle of curiosity. Before we can accuse someone of something, we best make sure we try and understand why something happened- why someone acted or reacted a certain way, why they communicated or failed to communicate a certain way, and what they were thinking, what their reasoning was behind it. Think of every conversation as an opportunity to learn.

Listening can be an especially difficult gift to give when you don’t feel as though it is being reciprocated. Feeling as though we are being heard is extremely important, without which the culmination of an argument might simply be someone losing their patience as a consequence or yelling in a desperate attempt to accomplish it.

You may have a great response ready to go, ready to interrupt to get it across. It’s easy to happen in any situation- with coworkers, friends, and family. We’re are all guilty of doing this at some point, and it can be very problematic, because if we’re already thinking about how we will respond we’re not fully attentive and mindful of what our partner is actually saying to us.

Remember that we can’t ever resolve a problem, let alone learn from it and prevent it from happening again, if we don’t fully understand why it happened. Being heard should not have to be demanded, it should be a respect we give to others and receive in return. Sometimes the more we listen and the less we say, the more people actually open up to us. This is a vital skill that you can practice and learn from in your relationships of all kinds.

 Learn three steps to practicing healthy listening:

Shift the focus away from yourself and postpone your own agenda as you tune into the other person’s world. It’s not about being interesting, it’s about being interested.

It’s your job as a listener to be present with the other person. Do not minimize their feelings. Do not try to make them feel better. Your goal is just to understand. You can do this by asking open-ended questions and by avoiding judgment.

A powerful way to be there for the other person is to repeat back what you heard in your own words. For example: “I hear you saying that you really miss the times we used to go out for dinner and a movie. I understand that. I miss those times, too.” Don’t problem solve.