Your sexual relationship “is not rocket science”

To be clear, there is no one definition of “great sex.” It can be different a different definition for everyone, for every couple, and under different circumstances.

When asked what a “healthy sexual relationship” looks like, we try to remind people that it doesn’t even have to refer to sex itself. For example, if two people in a relationship are not having sex but are perfectly happy with that situation, then that is perfectly healthy. Another couple could have frequent sexual encounters, but that don’t involve any penetration, and they could be extremely healthy and happy as well.

In fact, research shows that it is the number of sexual encounters, more so that the number of times intercourse is actually being had, that greater predicts and reflects a couple’s sexual happiness and satisfaction. This can mean anything from heavy kissing to getting handsy to oral sex or mutual masturbation. In case mutual masturbation isn’t in your toolkit yet, here’s why it needs to be.

Stop comparing your sexual relationship to anyone else’s, especially to people you don’t know and stupid myths not backed by science 😉 There will always be times when things are better or worse, but remember communicating about it in the right way can help improve things, and that nothing good comes, let alone stays, without some effort.
But in case you’re wondering if there’s anything in particular you could do to maintain a strong sexual relationship, below is some research by the Gottman Institute to help you.

An online study with 70,000 people in 24 countries revealed couples who have a great sex life everywhere on the planet are doing the same set of things.

The two things in particular that these couples are doing are:

They update their Love Maps, cultivate fondness and admiration, and turn towards each other as often as possible. They pay attention to each other when their partner needs their attention, and they respond to bids for interaction.

They don’t let sex fall to the end of a long to-do list. They view sex as special, and they make it an important part of their relationship.

Great sex is not rocket science. By being good friends, by being affectionate, and by talking openly about sex, you can build a thriving relationship inside and outside of the bedroom.