The site is in beta mode & no orders are being fulfilled. Updates & improvements coming soon — thank you for your patience!

Catch it on

Episodes

Podcast Forum

Contact Us

Have feedback? Want to be a guest on the podcast? Questions, comments or concerns? Contact us by clicking here!

Episode 10

Love and death are the greatest gifts given to us, but mostly they are passed on unopened.” — Rainer Maria Rilke

Dr. Jordana Jacobs argues that if we go on pretending we are going to live forever, we are actually suffocating our capacity to give and experience love. In this episode she talks about how only in accepting our inevitable mortality can we truly transform our relationships and begin to live- and love- to the fullest.

Give us your feedback

Follow us on Instagram!

Facebook

BBXX website

Sign up for our digital “book” club — a twice-weekly curation of the best digital content about identity, sexuality, intimacy, and relationships!

Sasza Lohrey

Dr. Jordana Jacobs is a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City. While clinically she has a general practice, her research primarily focuses on the relationship between the awareness of death and our capacity and willingness to love. She gives talks and leads meditations aimed toward helping people accept their inevitable mortality so that they can live in love more fully. 

Sasza Lohrey

All right. Thank you so much for joining us today, Jordana.

Jordana

Thank you so much for having me.

Sasza Lohrey

So to get started, I’d love to just have you talk a bit about, kind of your background and how it is because I’m sure everybody listening is wondering how it is that you came to talk about something so specific and so important, but also uncommon, it’s this?

Jordana

Sure. So I think that this can best be described in two stories. The first being that I would say that my family survived death, or cheated death because of love. My great aunt was a Polish Jew living during the Holocaust, and she had false papers, dirt, and she was living in Poland and working and she was pretending that she was the Catholic woman. And she met and fell madly in love with a man by the name of Ralph Peschel, who happened to be a German officer. And about two years into them dating as she was pretending she was Catholic, she decided to finally tell him that she was in fact Jewish. And the story goes that he left for about two hours, and she had no idea whether or not she was going to turn her in to the Nazis. But he came back, and he told her that he was deeply in love with her, and that he would do everything he could to save her life, and to save her little sister’s life, who was my maternal grandmother, who was about nine years younger than her. And Sandra, my great aunt actually said, you know, you actually, it’s not enough to just save me, I need you to save the lives of as many Jews as you possibly can. And so he saved dozens of Jewish lives by providing, them continuing to provide them with false papers. And there’s actually a tree planted in Yad Vashem and the Holocaust memorial in honor of him. And I think he’s one of a handful of non Jews who there’s a tree planted for. And my great aunt spent, I think, about 20 years of her life, when she was able to finally come to the States, trying to get this tree planted in this man’s honor, because he saved so many lives, because he loved so deeply. 

So I think I grew up hearing sort of endless stories about the relationship between love and death about how I’m, you know, ultimately believing that that’s why I’m alive today. And part of the reason why I talk about this topic. And then the second story that I think relates, and that’s maybe a little bit more personal to me, is I had a sort of long term romantic relationship in my early 20s, it was very meaningful to me, and I fell deeply in love for the first time. And I decided to end it, we just didn’t fit. But I was still so in love. And I was in so much pain. It was right around the time of writing this dissertation. And I had to come up with a topic and I, I started to feel as though there I realized that the only thing that gave me solace was recognizing that I was going to have to lose him at some point anyway, that I was going to have to say goodbye, whether through my own death or through his and that this fallacy I had forever was actually making me cling to this love in a way that I think was detrimental to us. 

And when I really started thinking about the fact that this loss was inevitable, a lot of the anguish a lot of the pain, a lot of resentment towards him, guilt towards you know, anger towards myself for you know, quote, unquote, ruining this love all. All of this sort of melted away, and I found it to be really the one saving grace for me. So to just sort of wrap it up, I know it’s kind of long is the the, the story and the journey, my legacy, my family legacy of the Holocaust, to me is representative of how love can save you from death. And the story, my personal story around my, my relationship in my 20s is really about how death and the awareness of death can save love. So what I do is look at this, the two sides of this coin, between love and death. 

Sasza Lohrey

In kind of hearing that story, and thinking about love and death, but also just love and loss in general. And as you mentioned, love is the only thing that can kind of save us from death, but also overcome death. So I think back to my grandpa, who was actually 103 year old Auschwitz survivor, and I mean generosity from other people, but also friendships he made, and the motivation to get out. I have a friend who told me the Donner Party, that people who survived were the people who had something waiting for them who had someone waiting for them. And that love being what what gets us through and helps us kind of avoid death. And then in overcoming it, I mean, there is literally nothing and I know I wouldn’t be where I was today, if it weren’t for the people close to me, who gave me the love I needed to fill the huge void, that death can create that is just as empty vastness and the only thing that can help I mean, there’s time but but it’s really just love the answer, really recognizing that and then through your work. And what we try and do with BBXX as well is like recognizing that and helping people live their lives, according to that and really valuing those relationships and the the kind of invaluable things that they provide in your life.

Jordana

It’s so beautifully said a couple things. One is that it’s what you’re saying reminds me of this Nietzsche quote that I love that says “he who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.” And this was a quote that I was used a lot when I was doing something called meaning centered psychotherapy, mad Memorial Sloan Kettering with advanced cancer patients that was part of a study that I worked on as a research assistant. And then I went back as a therapist years later. And that was a quote that was really almost like a mantra. And the “why” to live for is almost always love. If it’s not love, then it could be the “why” could be stronger. That “why” it could be intense love or passion for what you do. Sure. But most of the time, there’s a Frank Osssc, founder of the Zen hospice project, says that after seeing countless people die, the only things that really matter. Are there are two questions that people ask themselves at the end of life. And that’s am I loved and did I love? And that has to do with relationships that has to do with human connection. 

Sasza Lohrey

Yeah, and how kind of at the end, just all the value, and all the purpose that you feel is tied back to those relationships. And if it does truly happen, then your life flashes before your eyes. I can’t help but think it would be nothing other than the faces of the people you love most. Hugs, smiles and that’s there’s, there can’t be any way it would be anything right.

Jordana

The only other thing and you sort of commented on this, before we actually started was that there’s a relationship we develop with ourselves. And I can imagine my life flashing before my eyes and having seeing moments in which I felt deeply connected and loving towards myself, like after a 10 day silent Vipassana meditation retreat, really feeling embodied. Or I’m trying to think what else but there have certainly been moments in nature. I mean, you mentioned Chile, that’s where you said you were–

Sasza Lohrey

Chile, yeah– 

Jordana

Yeah. I hiked a volcano in Chile and I slid down the volcano?

Sasza Lohrey

Was it [inaudible?]

Jordana

Maybe it was years ago, I actually did some sort of Jewish trip. And I, you like slide down, you hike up this volcano the entire day. I don’t know if you’ve done it. And you slide down it like almost like a bobsled. And it was the most one of most beautiful experiences of my life. So I could see that moment because I felt so deeply connected to myself and nature and so much bliss and joy. So I think that was a moment of really like loving, loving.

Sasza Lohrey

That activity makes me,  kind of brings up extreme athletes, if you think of that, and such a tricky relationship, I think between lovers of life and death. And then some people truly only feel as though they are living their best self or living their best life kind of living on that edge. And it’s worth that gamble to them. But how hard that is for the people around them and how hard I mean, I think all of them, unlike most other people actually are kind of living in the front row without illness without it kind of being as much as sure thing or not. But those people, every time they engage in those activities have to know that statistically speaking is very possible. They might not survive sometimes. And so kind of the cognitive dissonance, but also acceptance of that.

Jordana

Mm hmm. I don’t know if you’ve read the book stealing fire?

Sasza Lohrey

No.

Jordana

Oh, it’s so good. I highly recommend it. It’s about the various things we do to get into flow states. And, and they could be meditation, it could be sex, it could be cliff diving, all of these experiences that help us move out of the default mode of our brain and into a more sort of entropic state or psychedelics is certainly one of them. They talk a lot about extreme athletes and how getting closer to these near death experiences. Yeah, makes you feel. First of all, you can’t think your frontal lobe sort of shuts down, you’re just doing you’re in survival mode. And what how thrilling, that can be sort of quiet the the ever present chatter in your mind. But yeah, I you know, I actually also think that a lot of what you’re talking about has to do with control. So when you feel like you can control how close you get to death, to a certain extent, and it’s your choice to jump off the cliff, it’s a very different feeling than when you’ve been pushed. 

Sasza Lohrey

Yeah. 

Jordana

Or, you know, or if you were diagnosed with cancer, these brushes with death, are feeling like we’re in control of them. Whether or not we actually are change everything that has to do with safety. Is it being done to me? Or is this a choice? Right? So, so I talk a lot about death primes, and bringing consciously and purposefully bringing thoughts of death into your awareness as a way to remind yourself that life is impermanent. And that’s a very different thing to have an alarm that goes off on your phone every day to remind you that if you were hearing bombs every day in the morning, to remind you, right?

Sasza Lohrey

Yeah, and trying to think about how possible it is for people who haven’t kind of had these firsthand experiences, how much can we really help them conceptualize how real it is, and how kind of impending this is. And so you do certain death awareness exercises that, I think is one example of how people can kind of do that, I don’t know if it ever actually is enough to make up for having experienced it. But if you could talk a bit about those death awareness exercises?

Jordana

Sure. So ideally, they’re done in the context of real safety. And before I even go there, I want to comment on something you said about how that can be this great tragedy, or it can be something that really opens us up. Because I just this past weekend was in San Francisco at a Holocaust survivors home. He’s in his 80s. And he also survived, survived Auschwitz. And my boyfriend and I were running a love and death salon series. And we had invited a number of people that were there sort of like rockstars on the death world. So this woman that had have created this conference called end well, that’s incredible. Another person who helped who produced an academy nominated short documentary film that’s on death, the head of palliative care at Stanford, all of these incredible people, and we just posed the question to them, you know, what is this relationship between love and death? How can we better understand it? And ultimately, the conclusion was that exactly what you just said that death is inevitable. And there’s two different ways to handle it. We can constrict, and, and be terrified or we can open up and it can be the surrendering to both death and love  sort of simultaneously it can be this vehicle towards deeper love and meaning in our lives. So the real question is, what is that by bifurcation point? How do we move from a place of fear to a place of opening.

Sasza Lohrey

So I’m just wondering from your experience with patients or in research, for those people who do find themselves sitting in the front row, what are kind of the different reactions you’ve seen and different kind of evolutions of those people’s identity, be it for better or worse?

Jordana

I’m seeing a patient who has cancer, and is now actually within the last two weeks is in remission, she’s 30 years old. And terrifying cancer with a rare form of cancer, married, and is, I started seeing her when she wasn’t when she was still very much had cancer, and now no longer does. And she, her life has changed so dramatically, in a way that she is able to really access her awareness of her mortality and has dramatically changed what she wants to do with her life. So there’s there’s that, and there are also people that I think have these experiences where they become aware of their mortality to people that have maybe cancer that is less life threatening cancers, always life threatening, and always brings thoughts of mortality. But let’s say you have stage one, prostate cancer, and you just want it to go away and you have surgery. And it’s done. A lot of people then react in sort in this different way where they then shove death under the rug even more, they had this experience again, that’s the like turning towards an opening and allowing versus the contracting and the closing. And then I would also say that there are people who become aware of death, and they realize that they when it comes to those questions, those two questions at the end of life, am I loved and did I love and they realized that the partner that they’re with, or the relationships they have with their family, or not allowing them to have those peak experiences of love, they’ll distance themselves or they’ll try to change it. So there are people that love will have some sort of awakening around that and say, I don’t want to be with my partner anymore. I’m not having that fulfilling relationship in the way that I know is possible, or I’d like to hope and believe as possible. So I’m going to leave and I’m going to search for somebody with whom I can have that so that before I die, I can experience that kind of bliss.

Sasza Lohrey

So as we’re talking about kind of family and how this these realizations create maybe a new closeness or the want for change. How do you think that procreation or the need or desire to procreate is tied in with this fear of, of loss?

Jordana

It’s huge, huge. So the studies actually show that when we are primed for death. So again, there’s lots of death around conscious awareness. We want to have babies, men have the desire to have more sex women specifically have the desire to procreate. It’s a way of literally leaving a piece of ourselves behind. When we leave this earth, it’s our legacy. 

Sasza Lohrey

I wonder if somehow it comes from a place of selfishness because it’s really us wanting to pass on something of us beyond our own death? 

Jordana

Yeah, I think there are. I think, again, it’s about intentionality. And I think when we become conscious of how much we do to cope with our fear of death, then we actually can make more of a choice about it. When you’re not conscious about it. It’s hard to know, we don’t know how much of procreation for each of us has to do with this desire to cope with death.

Sasza Lohrey

Or I wonder if it’s almost as though it lessons that it’s not a full death because part of you is continuing on and it reminds me of the concept that we actually live three deaths in life and I believe it’s that the first is when kind of the body dies. The second is when we are buried. And the third death is the last time that someone says your name. And so in procreation and in also loving throughout life and creating intimacy in close relationships, we carry more of ourselves forward and therefore die a little bit less and live a little bit longer as a result.

Jordana

Right! Which brings us back to love. Right? So when the more we love, the more deeply we connect, the more deeply, we’re remembered.

Sasza Lohrey

And so I wonder how much of this could be evolution? And how much of it could be cultural or sociological? And so how much maybe it’s changed or evolved over the years? The strength of this fear or whatnot, and I’m not sure if there’s research as to how maybe it could be different across cultures, is it something just totally global, such as facial expressions? Or is this something that kind of is based in could be different based on values or religion or communication, where in some places this fear is right in front of people’s eyes versus being shoved under the rug?

Jordana

Totally, I mean, I studied abroad in northern India and I started my real investigation into death and death awareness. Now, cultures, different cultures cope with death, by living in a Tibetan community in Ladakh, which is the northernmost area of India. And the way that death is thought about and in countries that really embody Buddhism, where transients and impermanence is so natural, and actually reincarnation is thought of as what happens after you die. For the most part, I feel a little agnostic about that. I don’t really know what I feel about the idea of reincarnation, but it is a very soothing, certainly way of thinking about death, you don’t really die, you’re just reborn. And I was actually told that the Buddha himself didn’t come up with the concept of reincarnation saw straight from the Buddha, but something that was sort of adopted by the culture. So sometimes I think that reincarnation is just a coping mechanism to when the Buddha started talking about exactly how about impermanence and transients. And people got scared and said, just kidding me, we die, but we actually come back to life, don’t worry about it. But I found that death is talked about far more openly. In Buddhist cultures, I firmly believe that the more we accept and embrace and allow inevitable mortality and surrender to it, the more we’re able to surrender to love. And that’s, that’s the key, actually, and in my message, because if you just say “accept death”, people were like, “absolutely not no thanks.” But if you can realize that they’re so deeply connected, then you have a real reason to accept and embrace death. If it allows you to love, which is all we really truly want as human beings and be loved, love and be loved. The loss of somebody is horrible, horrible, and there’s not to be underestimated. I have no way of saying that you should experience you know, the death of your husband, and then say like, “Oh, this makes me want to love more.” That seemed like Pollyanna bullshit that I’m not trying to preach. What I am trying to say is that we need to be aware that that’s a possibility. And by possibility, it’s inevitable, it’s inevitable in our lives, that we will lose. And instead of resisting that so hard, and resisting it so hard when it happens, because the resistance is futile, to a certain extent. Because it’s inevitable. That allows for potential meaning and potential love and a potential opening that can make that process something that is a suffering with meaning, rather than a suffering that is devoid of meaning and just pain, just pure pain.

Sasza Lohrey

Going back to that piece by Sam Harris, where he says that no matter how many times you do something, there will come a day when you do it for the last time. And that while we’ve had 1000 times to tell the people closest to us how much we love them in a way that you really it kind of resonates with you, you feel it and you make sure that they actually feel it as well and kind of understand the strength behind it. That while we’ve had so many opportunities, we’ve missed the vast majority of them, or we haven’t even missed them. We’ve just choose not to act on them. And so kind of the importance of that. But I also want to acknowledge how hard it is to actually do that. And that for some reason, I don’t know if it’s cultural or psychological that I find myself wanting to do this so often, but it’s not actually that easy without it being extenuating circumstances when you’re in the front row when there is a threat. And that it feels so much more genuine that when it’s just every day on a Saturday morning at brunch, and you want to tell your friend how much you truly care about them, or tell your siblings how proud of them you actually are, in a real real way that is so meaningful. It’s not that easy. It’s not that easy. And it like feels weird, or it feels kind of over the top. But how can we get rid of that? Why is it that way? Because I think that’s part of the reason we don’t do it without that blog. I think that actually, people could change the way they live in their relationships in the communication in the way that we’ve been talking about.

Jordana

Yeah. Such a beautiful question. You know, one is, I think, it takes practice, I have to practice this. So you have to practice really feeling it first. So that’s why I think these death meditations are these death primes where you can really drop in and feel it, but to really like, look at sometimes, you know, I just look at my hands, and I’m like these, it’s not gonna, this whole thing is not going to be here. Right. So practicing those, that death awareness, so that you can really feel that love on a daily basis, so that when you say these things, they’re embodied, they come from an embodied place, not from just this, like, “I know, I should be saying this.” Two, I think just the way you described that sort of conflict, I would urge you actually just to be very open about your process whenever you say it. So if you’re with your brother, or something, and you want to say it be like “I want to say this, but it feels a little awkward and weird, because sort of out of the blue, and I’m just meeting you for brunch. But I like do want you to know how much I love you.” Sort of frame it, by being really open about what the the issue is for you and why you almost didn’t say it, but why you really want to say it, we forget that we can tell the people we love in a safe place, like pretty much exactly what we mean. I don’t know how your brother receives love. But that’s something to be mindful of and aware of. Some people have a really hard time being able to receive and accept and then embody, through transmission of that love, which might make you say like, “Oh, now I feel even more uncomfortable saying it or doing it.” So finding the person finding that language or maybe know the five languages of love, like how, how that person needs to hear and feel love in order to really receive that.

Sasza Lohrey

And I think that acknowledgement that reciprocity isn’t kind of a contingency, like isn’t necessary, perhaps and that you just wanted to say it for the sake of saying and they don’t need to say anything back. Or perhaps in certain cases, you already know how they feel, and that they have the same struggle. But you do know, because I think if we do go with all these missed opportunities at the end, if something happens to us, we wonder if the people didn’t know if we hadn’t set it. Are there any kind of other findings from your research or experiences? Or insights that you’d like to share?

Jordana

Yes, actually, I have started looking into ketamine assisted psychotherapy, as a means to become more aware of mortality. So there’s psychedelic assisted therapy, there’s psilocybin assisted therapy and MDMA assisted therapy, but both of those substances, those medicines are schedule one. So you can only do that sort of treatment in the context of a clinical trial or a study. And they’ve been done at NYU here, and at John hopkins. Where they’ve shown that when you prime, when people come and are talking about or thinking about death, because they’ve done these, these studies with advanced cancer patients that they do psilocybin and they come away with a with a decreased fear around death, decreased death, anxiety, and are more open to that love into that surrender of what’s going to inevitably happen to their bodies. So for me, I’ve been really interested in doing this work. But it’s really hard to. First of all, there are no active studies right now, which is really frustrating for a lot of therapists that want to do this work. And there are a lot of people that want this help, especially after Michael Pollan’s book came out how to change your mind. There are so many people that are saying, “Please, can we do this?” You know, the FDA hasn’t caught up yet. So we, we can’t, but ketamine is scheduled three, which means that psychiatrists can prescribe it to anyone. So it doesn’t have you don’t have a full on psychedelic experience like you would with psilocybin or seeing visuals necessarily. But ketamine is a dissociative, and you have a different experience of reality. And whenever we have a different experience of reality, it helps us check in with our, the reality we experience on a daily basis in a different way. Right? So it’s almost like, if you have a fish in water doesn’t realize it’s in water. But if you die the water blue, or you take it out of water, then it then it’s like, oh, this is this is my life, this is my reality, I see it a different way I didn’t even realize. So these, these supplements, these medicines help us change our reality. So that when we come back to this reality, we view it in a different way. And I actually had my first ketamine assisted therapy session, myself as a patient, because I wanted to see what it would be like if I wanted to do this with patients, with a psychiatrist recently named Will Sue, who does see as a company or company called KURA K-U-R-A and does ketamine assisted psychotherapy. And I had a session with him on Thursday. So just two days ago, it was powerful, it was so amazing. A that it’s legal. So that’s wonderful. And B, I had this experience of being outside of my body and a feeling the part of myself that is not this body that will die. So feeling connected to a self that is not part of this ephemeral body, I don’t know what’s going to happen to that self necessarily. But when this body dies, but to just feel like there’s a separation between the two, I could imagine being very soothing, if you are sitting in that front row. And I also think it’s just an interesting process really, for anyone that is quote unquote, healthy, you know, everyone’s dying in a certain sense of awareness and stuff, but—

Sasza Lohrey

it’s death awareness. 

Jordana

Right.

Sasza Lohrey

It’s life awareness-

Jordana

Yeah, the whole thing did the same thing. Death awareness is the same as life awareness. But the goal is to maybe be able to have these group ketamine psychotherapy processes, where people contemplate mortality. And then it’s integrated processes integrated later.

Sasza Lohrey

It makes me think of Iowaska. And the trips that people do, I think, generally to Peru or other places, but it’s kind of these group activities and this you know, rebirth that sounds enlightening and terrifying at the same time, being the person that I am where I’m convinced I would be the person who never comes back from the–

Jordana

was that person I would just live.

Sasza Lohrey

Yeah.

Jordana

Yeah.

Sasza Lohrey

But that’s really fascinating. And I, I think I’m gonna read Michael Pollan’s book. And I think that the next time we talk, especially after you having done more of these sessions, it’d be really interesting to dig deeper into that because I also have no doubt that people hear more about it. 

Jordana

Yeah, let’s do an entire Yeah, another session on how psychedelics I can help you manage death anxiety and 

Sasza Lohrey

I can I can interview people. 

Jordana

oh, yeah, there’s a lot of people that have been are talking about this right now.

Sasza Lohrey

Interesting. Okay, well, thank you so much for joining us today. And hopefully that at the end of this our listeners kind of have a better grasp whether or not they they like it or accept it or want to understand it, but the the reality that kind of your life is on lease. As one of the quotes in your salons goes that love and death are two of the greatest gifts that were given. But they often go unopened.

Jordana

Yeah, so real quick, but yeah, and I just want to say that if anyone has chosen to listen to this the whole way through, this is a death awareness exercise in its own right. And I hope that it’s left you with a feeling of more presence and a desire to love as deeply and richly and as meaningfully as possible.

Sasza Lohrey

Thank you so much. 

Jordana

Thank you. 

Sasza Lohrey

Thank you so much for tuning in to listening to the BBXX podcast. You can learn more on our website or on our social media at bbxx.world. And if you believe in what we’re doing, please do help spread the love by sharing this with someone you care about. Until next time. 

On this week’s episode we speak with Jordana Jacobs, a practicing clinical psychologist who specializes in the relationship between death and our capacity to love, and live, more fully. We hope that you enjoy this eye-opening and inspiring conversation.

Jordana explains that the relationship between love and death is one that is incredibly intertwined. She believes that “love can save you from death, and that death, or the awareness of death, can save love”. She uses a Niche quote to highlight this relationship, “He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how,” because the why is almost always LOVE.

Life and Death

Some people feel at their best when they are living near the edge of death – like extreme athletes. There can be a kind of clarity when facing death that can help people live more fully and be more present. There’s a thrill in quieting the chatter of your mind while feeling like you are in control of your life and your existence.

Death Primes & Awareness Exercises

Consciously bringing thoughts of death into your awareness reminds you that life is impermanent. These can be done with a reminder on your phone, with an extreme activity, or with other external factors that help bring death into your conscious awareness. These can allow us to really feel love in the present.

Procreation and Loss

When we are primed for death, people have the desire to procreate so that we can leave a piece of ourselves behind. When we become conscious about our fears surrounding death, we can better examine and understand our desires.

The more we accept and embrace and allow inevitable mortality and surrender to it – the more we’re able to surrender to love. And that’s the key.

Acceptance over Resistance

The resistance to death is futile, because it is inevitable, so acceptance of death allows for potential meaning and love to open us to the process of suffering being meaningful and not just painful.

Daily Feelings of Love

By practicing death awareness, we can begin to really feel love on a daily basis so that we can more fully embody our feelings. We can express our love more openly and presently when we can drop into our feelings.

Recommendations

No additional resources found for this episode.

About the Expert

Jordana Jacobs

Jordana Jacobs

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Jordana Jacobs is a licensed clinical psychologist with years of experience treating patients in the New York City area. Her research primarily focuses on the relationship between death awareness and love (dissertation: “Till Death do us Part: The Effect of Mortality Salience on Satisfaction in Long-Term Romantic Relationships”). She now gives presentations and lead retreats aimed towards helping people accept inevitable mortality, so that they may live and love more fully.

Episode Discussion

Home Forums Episode 10 – “Love & Death” – with Jordana Jacobs

  • Episode 10 – “Love & Death” – with Jordana Jacobs

  • Valentina 

    September 7, 2020 at 7:00 am
    Up
    0
    Down
    • What did you learn about yourself?
    • What did you learn about culture?
    • What was your favorite quote?
    • What surprised you most?
    • What is one way you can enact what you learned in your own life?
    • How can we each help shift the culture and the conversation surrounding this topic?
  • Valentina 

    September 7, 2020 at 11:42 am
    Up
    0
    Down

    This episode is my favorite so far!

    It made me realize that thinking about death it doesn’t need to be something bad, it’s just a realization that we should live life to the fullest and just be happy. Now I see death with a totally different perspective.

  • Hope

    September 7, 2020 at 11:59 am
    Up
    0
    Down

    Valentina, I completely agree!

    It is so easy to be afraid of things we don’t know much about. The only thing most of us know for sure is that death tends to bring an array of emotions to the table; which can also be a scary thing! So overall it is easy to chalk out that death is scary. However, death is also the ending of (what I hope would have been) a beautiful, adventurous, happy life for someone. That is a different way to look at it.

    This podcast also, made me think, “Am I living enough right now?” I think this question is something more of us collectively need to ask ourselves more often.

    • Jessica

      September 14, 2020 at 1:38 pm
      Up
      0
      Down

      Hi Valentina and Hope! I agree that this episode was a great reminder that death can be thought of as a reminder to live life more fully.

  • Amy

    September 8, 2020 at 1:46 pm
    Up
    0
    Down

    The thing that I learned about myself when listening to this episode is that while I feel like I have lived a good and full life, I feel like I can live more and also love more.The thing I learned about culture is that culture tells us to fear death and not embrace the reality of life and death.The thing that surprised me most was that love and death play a role in how a person views how they live their lives.The one way that I can enact what I learned in my own life is that I can show more love to the people around me and understand that death is a natural end to life.The way that we can shift the conversation and culture around this topic is to keep having the conversation about love and death and to not fear death when it is a natural part of life.

  • BBXX 

    September 14, 2020 at 10:35 am
    Up
    0
    Down

    Personally I think every human fears uncertainty. We’ve been trained at work, at home, at school that we need to carefully plan for the “next step”. That’s why death seems so scary yet at least in my own case, I’ve made peace with the concept of death. For me now death is just the constant reminder that every day is a blessing and that we should truly capture every moment as to try to live as happily as we can because one day, we won’t be able to say or do what we should have said and done. I loved how the episode connects love & death because the whole purpose of life itself is to live a life full of love otherwise, what is the point?

  • BBXX 

    September 21, 2020 at 10:49 am
    Up
    0
    Down

    I used to be so afraid of not death itself, but what happens to us after. So much so that I would have to force myself out of thinking about it. It was this acceptance of the inevitable unknown and eventual appreciation for the present that these fears started to subside. Like what Jordana said in this episode, I’ve been able to express my love for others and become more open in my relationships.

Log in to reply.

Original Post
0 of 0 posts June 2018
Now

Join the BBXX Community and take part in the conversation!

Related Content