All Episodes
- Casual Conversations: The Art of Self-Discovery
- Episode 57: Masculine vs. Feminine vs. HUMAN
- Casual Conversations: Don’t Apologize for Being Human
- Episode 56: The Complexity of Simplicity
- Casual Conversations: The Paradox of Perfection
- Food For Thought: Jealousy vs. Envy
- Food For Thought: Thankful vs. Grateful
- Episode 55: To Care for Others, Care for Yourself
- Casual Conversations: Anxiety, Boundaries, and Meditation
- Episode 54: Accessibility & Equity in Mental Health Care
- En Español: El Poder de la Mente Sobre el Cuerpo
- Episode 53: Sexual Liberation & The Wisdom of Aging
- Episode 52: Cohabitation, Gender Roles, and The Summer of Love
- Episode 51: The Lies We Tell Ourselves About The Truth
- Episode 50: An Industry of Injustice (4/4)
- Episode 49: This Is Actually Happening (3/4)
- Episode 48: Standing By vs. Being An Ally (2/4)
- Recommendations & Reviews: Boogie Nights
- Food For Thought: Contradiction vs. Complementation
- Food For Thought: Curiosity vs. Criticism
- Episode 47: Sexual “Empowerment” Sells (1/4)
- Recommendations & Reviews: The Culture Map
- Food For Thought: Celebrating The Small Wins
- Food For Thought: The Many Roads To Happiness
- En Español: Sexualidad e Igualdad
- Casual Conversations: Communication, Mindfulness, and Pleasure
- Food For Thought: Operational Definitions
- Food For Thought: Memory Tissue
- Episode 46: The Nutrition Facts of Life
- Casual Conversations: The Lost Art of Letter Writing
- Food For Thought: Attribution Theory
- Food For Thought: Coronavirus vs. Connection
- Bonus Episode: The Psychology of Solitary
- Episode 45: Love, Loss & The Meaning Of Life (2/2)
- Episode 44: Love, Loss & The Meaning Of Life (1/2)
- Live Workshop: Navigating Anxiety During COVID
- Episode 43: The Body Knows Best
- Episode 42: (Un)Censoring Pleasure
- Episode 41: Bring On The Heat (2/2)
- Episode 40: Bring On The Heat (1/2)
- Episode 39: The Myth of Marriage (2/2)
- Episode 38: The Myth of Marriage (1/2)
- Episode 37: Same Page, Different Book (2/2)
- Episode 36: Same Page, Different Book (1/2)
- Episode 35: Humans In Progress (2/2)
- Episode 34: Humans In Progress (1/2)
- Episode 33: The Strength In Our Scars (2/2)
- Episode 32: The Strength In Our Scars (1/2)
- Episode 31: Masculinity & Authenticity (2/2)
- Episode 30: Masculinity & Authenticity (1/2)
- Episode 29: Addiction & Intimacy – From Harm to Healing (2/2)
- Episode 28: Addiction & Intimacy – From Harm to Healing (1/2)
- New Trailer: Let’s Get Intimate!
- Episode 27: You Can’t Be What You Can’t See (2/2)
- Episode 26: You Can’t Be What You Can’t See (1/2)
- Episode 25: Why Relationships Fail vs. Flourish (2/2)
- Episode 24: Why Relationships Fail vs. Flourish (1/2)
- Episode 23: The Evolution of (Non)Monogamy (2/2)
- Episode 22: The Evolution of (Non)Monogamy (1/2)
- Episode 21: “Pleasure Is The Measure” (2/2)
- Episode 20: “Pleasure Is The Measure” (1/2)
- Episode 19: Sex Sells? Or Insecurity Sells… (2/2)
- Episode 18: Sex Sells? Or Insecurity Sells… (1/2)
- Episode 17: DON’T Fake It ‘Til You Make It (2/2)
- Episode 16: DON’T Fake It ‘Til You Make It (1/2)
- Episode 15: Mindfulness For Sexual Connection
- Episode 14: Keeping It “Casual” (2/2)
- Episode 13: Keeping It “Casual” (1/2)
- Episode 12: The Birds & The Bees (2/2)
- Episode 11: The Birds & The Bees (1/2)
- Episode 10: Love & Death
- Episode 9: Communication- Mind and Body
- Episode 8: The Power of Sexual Healing (2/2)
- Episode 7: The Power of Sexual Healing (1/2)
- Episode 6: Redefining Masculinity and “The Million Dollar Point”
- Episode 5: Creating Body Maps and Reconnecting with Pleasure
- Episode 4: (In) Fidelity in The Time of Technology
- Episode 3: Let’s Get Cliterate! Narrowing The Orgasm Gap
- Episode 2: Today’s Not So “Liberated” Sex Culture (2/2)
- Episode 1: Today’s Not So “Liberated” Sex Culture (1/2)
- Episode 0: Google doesn’t have all the answers
- Trailer: Let’s Get Intimate!
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Let's Get Intimate!
Episode 17: DON’T Fake It ‘Til You Make It (2/2)
On this episode, we continue our discussion with Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex whose mission is to help people stop being embarrassed and ashamed and start having a lot more fun in the bedroom. We talk about mismatched libido, why it’s important to
be more kind to our bodies, and how loving yourself can open you up to experience more love and pleasure with others. Enjoy!
Turning Your Partner Down
It’s normal for you and your partner to desire sex at different times of the day – so it’s totally normal for you to not be in the mood when your partner may initiate sex. There are mismatched libidos in every relationship! It’s in these moments where there is a lot of opportunity to learn.
When these moments happen, it can help you to think about the situations and contexts which open you up to your partner’s initiations… and which contexts and situations turn you off. Vanessa developed The Passion Project to help partners better understand how to navigate these different and varied sex drives within a relationship.
What About Men?
Everyone has had the experience of your body not doing what you want it to do. For heterosexual men, the three most frequent performance challenges are: 1. difficulty getting, or staying, hard, 2.
orgasming too quickly, or 3. not being able to reach orgasm at all.
Socialization of Our Bodies and Sex
We were not being born ashamed of our bodies, we were taught to be.
Many of the struggles we face are because of things we have been taught, or cultured, to believe. Just like shame for our bodies, our culture also shames sex, and we exist in this cultural context which affects our relationships with ourselves and others.
Bodies and Pain
A practical tip for you and your relationship with your body, especially when you may be feeling betrayed by your body: begin to imagine having a conversation with your body. But rather than shaming or being mad at your body, speak with empathy to yourself. Recognize the feeling you have towards your body – hurt, or anger, or pain, or gratitude – and be honest with yourself. And remember to be gentle!
About the Expert
Vanessa Marin
Vanessa Marin is a writer and licensed psychotherapist who specializes in sex therapy. She created her platform, VMTherapy, to help people bring joy into their relationships and sex lives by inspiring them to obliterate the shame and embarrassment that we have all been taught to have. Vanessa shares the accurate information and practical, actionable, tools to help people have the best sex they can.
