- Casual Conversations: The Art of Self-Discovery
- Episode 57: Masculine vs. Feminine vs. HUMAN
- Casual Conversations: Don’t Apologize for Being Human
- Episode 56: The Complexity of Simplicity
- Casual Conversations: The Paradox of Perfection
- Food For Thought: Jealousy vs. Envy
- Food For Thought: Thankful vs. Grateful
- Episode 55: To Care for Others, Care for Yourself
- Casual Conversations: Anxiety, Boundaries, and Meditation
- Episode 54: Accessibility & Equity in Mental Health Care
- En Español: El Poder de la Mente Sobre el Cuerpo
- Episode 53: Sexual Liberation & The Wisdom of Aging
- Episode 52: Cohabitation, Gender Roles, and The Summer of Love
- Episode 51: The Lies We Tell Ourselves About The Truth
- Episode 50: An Industry of Injustice (4/4)
- Episode 49: This Is Actually Happening (3/4)
- Episode 48: Standing By vs. Being An Ally (2/4)
- Recommendations & Reviews: Boogie Nights
- Food For Thought: Contradiction vs. Complementation
- Food For Thought: Curiosity vs. Criticism
- Episode 47: Sexual “Empowerment” Sells (1/4)
- Recommendations & Reviews: The Culture Map
- Food For Thought: Celebrating The Small Wins
- Food For Thought: The Many Roads To Happiness
- En Español: Sexualidad e Igualdad
- Casual Conversations: Communication, Mindfulness, and Pleasure
- Food For Thought: Operational Definitions
- Food For Thought: Memory Tissue
- Episode 46: The Nutrition Facts of Life
- Casual Conversations: The Lost Art of Letter Writing
- Food For Thought: Attribution Theory
- Food For Thought: Coronavirus vs. Connection
- Bonus Episode: The Psychology of Solitary
- Episode 45: Love, Loss & The Meaning Of Life (2/2)
- Episode 44: Love, Loss & The Meaning Of Life (1/2)
- Live Workshop: Navigating Anxiety During COVID
- Episode 43: The Body Knows Best
- Episode 42: (Un)Censoring Pleasure
- Episode 41: Bring On The Heat (2/2)
- Episode 40: Bring On The Heat (1/2)
- Episode 39: The Myth of Marriage (2/2)
- Episode 38: The Myth of Marriage (1/2)
- Episode 37: Same Page, Different Book (2/2)
- Episode 36: Same Page, Different Book (1/2)
- Episode 35: Humans In Progress (2/2)
- Episode 34: Humans In Progress (1/2)
- Episode 33: The Strength In Our Scars (2/2)
- Episode 32: The Strength In Our Scars (1/2)
- Episode 31: Masculinity & Authenticity (2/2)
- Episode 30: Masculinity & Authenticity (1/2)
- Episode 29: Addiction & Intimacy – From Harm to Healing (2/2)
- Episode 28: Addiction & Intimacy – From Harm to Healing (1/2)
- New Trailer: Let’s Get Intimate!
- Episode 27: You Can’t Be What You Can’t See (2/2)
- Episode 26: You Can’t Be What You Can’t See (1/2)
- Episode 25: Why Relationships Fail vs. Flourish (2/2)
- Episode 24: Why Relationships Fail vs. Flourish (1/2)
- Episode 23: The Evolution of (Non)Monogamy (2/2)
- Episode 22: The Evolution of (Non)Monogamy (1/2)
- Episode 21: “Pleasure Is The Measure” (2/2)
- Episode 20: “Pleasure Is The Measure” (1/2)
- Episode 19: Sex Sells? Or Insecurity Sells… (2/2)
- Episode 18: Sex Sells? Or Insecurity Sells… (1/2)
- Episode 17: DON’T Fake It ‘Til You Make It (2/2)
- Episode 16: DON’T Fake It ‘Til You Make It (1/2)
- Episode 15: Mindfulness For Sexual Connection
- Episode 14: Keeping It “Casual” (2/2)
- Episode 13: Keeping It “Casual” (1/2)
- Episode 12: The Birds & The Bees (2/2)
- Episode 11: The Birds & The Bees (1/2)
- Episode 10: Love & Death
- Episode 9: Communication- Mind and Body
- Episode 8: The Power of Sexual Healing (2/2)
- Episode 7: The Power of Sexual Healing (1/2)
- Episode 6: Redefining Masculinity and “The Million Dollar Point”
- Episode 5: Creating Body Maps and Reconnecting with Pleasure
- Episode 4: (In) Fidelity in The Time of Technology
- Episode 3: Let’s Get Cliterate! Narrowing The Orgasm Gap
- Episode 2: Today’s Not So “Liberated” Sex Culture (2/2)
- Episode 1: Today’s Not So “Liberated” Sex Culture (1/2)
- Episode 0: Google doesn’t have all the answers
- Trailer: Let’s Get Intimate!
Let's Get Intimate!
Episode 19: Sex Sells? Or Insecurity Sells… (2/2)
This week we speak with Caroline Heldman, professor and executive director of The Representation Project. We discuss the influence of media – especially social media, the intimacy crisis we all face, and how marketers have set the beauty standards of our culture. We hope this episode helps you better understand our culture and the unrealistic expectations we are all faced with when beauty is the yardstick by which women are judged.
Caroline grew up Pentecostal Evangelical which was very gender stereotypical, however, she found her awakening through Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique which challenged what she was learning and being cultured into at home and at church.
- Miss Representation: Girls and women receive many damaging themes and messages growing up in our culture – most notably that their bodies are the most important things about them, that their worth is in their beauty, and an erasure of women in leadership and positions of power.
- The Mask you Live In: Pressures to be masculine damage boys and men because they are taught to be emotionally bereft, to be in control, to be emotionless, to be aggressive. “The Man Box” limits male human expression and men suffer the drastic consequences. Because of not wanting to appear weak, vulnerable, or feminine, men seek help less, which is especially damaging when men do not seek out mental health care.
Influence of Media
Parental influence diminishes as kids age – with social media and media being the thing that kids engage with most (over parents and classroom time). Research shows that kids spend over 10 hours a day consuming media. Which means this media shapes a kid’s world in very impactful
Social Media Engagement
Kids today are interacting more with social media than with humans. And we still don’t know all the short, medium, or long-term effects of this. However, there are benefits to social media as well – so, a push/pull exists between social media being a tool for connecting and also being tool for companies to use to sell products.
Intimacy Crisis and Gen Z
Gen Z – defined as 24 years old and younger – is more conscious of the social construction of gender, and so they are more gender fluid with 56% identifying as gender or sexually fluid. They are also more socially aware, more activist, and more likely to understand intersectionality and its effects throughout society. As soon as you put people into categories, people tend to rank them in a hierarchy. This is especially true for dichotomous categories (i.e. Male v female, Black v White).
Real World Activism v Arm Share Activism
Arm Share activism, or online social media activism, has given young people a powerful tool in consumer activism (like boycotts and buycotts). Young people are much more likely to use their online power to hold corporations accountable in new ways.
We have always cultured girls to hate their bodies, however, social media exacerbates these issues with everything being an idealized self. From before and after photos to facetuning, these online images have real world effects. The rate of surgeries has dramatically increased.
Girls are feeling so much pressure about their bodies that they will risk their bodies and lives and pleasure to go under the knife, some before 18, to change their physical appearances to be more appealing to men. And this is dangerous “because we are essentially teaching girls that they should be more concerned about how other people view them than by how they view
themselves”. As a culture we have normalized women risking their lives in order to appear more sexually attractive to others is the definition of lacking power in a culture.
There’s a huge difference between being sexy and being sexual. Being sexy is for other people, being sexual is for yourself.
The Beauty Yardstick is the most damaging thing in our culture. Imagine how would it be to live in a more meritorious culture where women are judged on who they are and not what they look like! Where effort, work, kindness, empathy, and service matter, rather than beauty, for all humans.
The game is rigged against women to never be happy in their own skin.
Who Sets the Values?
We have allowed marketers an inordinate amount of power in shaping our values: wealth, competitiveness/winning, control, and aggression – men and women alike. And these are reflected in our educational, political, and media institutions. These values are fundamentally incompatible with human happiness, as research shows that close connection and service to
others is what increases our happiness. And yet we are left to wonder why we are becoming less happy with each generation.
About the Expert
Dr. Caroline is the Executive Director of the Representation Project and a professor at Occidental College in Los Angeles. She is also a Senior Research Advisor for the Geena Davis Institue for Gender in Media. Her research specializes in media, the presidency, and systems of power (race, class, gender, sexuality, ability)