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Episode 21: “Pleasure Is The Measure” (2/2)

In the second episode with Dr. Emily Nagoski, she explains the difference between “liking” something and “desiring” it, attachment theory, it, responsive vs spontaneous desire, and how our desire is a system of “accelerators” and “brakes” that, once understood, help us take the driver’s seat of our own desire and pleasure. **Please remember to rate and leave a review for our podcast! Give us your feedback Follow us on Instagram! Facebook BBXX website Sign up for our digital “book” club — a twice-weekly curation of the best digital content about identity, sexuality, intimacy, and relationships!
The transcript wasn’t added for this episode.

On this week’s episode, we speak with Emily Nagoski Ph.D, a sexual wellbeing educator and author of one of our favorite books, Come As You Are, as well as Burnout. We cover the gamut in discussing how to listen to your inner voice and have compassion for your inner madwoman as well as how our anatomy is made of the same parts, just configured differently. We hope that you enjoy learning about ways to have more self compassion and understand yourself. *Moana spoilers included.

Personal Strength

Learning to listen to your internal voice – what feels right for you? What doesn’t feel right? Especially if you have a more subtle inner voice, here are some tips to help you gain access: begin to recognize that as a “girl” you have been cultured from birth to not believe in your voice, and you can undo this through a mindfulness practice. Learning to quiet both the interior and exterior noises around you to listen to your inner critic with kindness and compassion.

Inner Madwoman

Recognizing a mistake rather than an inherent character flaw. By turning towards our inner mad woman with kindness and compassion, you can learn about your fear, rage, and worry, so that you can more fully grow and address those fears. Many women express that their inner madwoman is
angry, but incredibly vulnerable. Emily describes this madwoman as being like Te Ka (lava monster) who is really Te Fiti (goddess of life).

Come As You Are

All of our bodies are made of all the same parts, just organized in a different way.

An example of this is the Labia Majora, which is stretchy skin that will grow hair later, which is the same tissue as the scrotum, also stretchy skin that will grow hair later. In the womb, this tissue is called scrotal-labia tissue.
Another example is how the penis is similar to the clitoris – both include a sensitive head with a structure that swells when aroused. If you don’t know about the internal clitoris – check it out here and share your knowledge far and wide!

What’s up with the Hymen?

The hymen is just leftover tissue from differentiation in utero. Most of what we think we know about the hymen is cultural bullshit. The idea that the hymen is a symbol of whether or not a vagina has been penetrated is a lie. Patriarchal society used the hymen as a marker for “purity” when in reality, scientific evidence proves this completely wrong; there is no relationship
between a person’s hymen and their sexual activities.

Behavioral Inadequacies

Behavior is a snapshot at what’s happening in a person’s life, but the way to actually know what’s happening takes a much deeper dive.

Trying to understand sex by looking at behavior is like trying to understand love by looking at a couple’s wedding portrait.

Bikini Industrial Complex

A profit machine that only makes money when we hate our bodies and are convinced we need to change them in some way. Not to mention, that this “thin ideal” is a 500 Billion dollar industry!

By learning to love ourselves, we can step away from the cultural scripts that continually make women feel less than when it comes to their bodies.

About the Expert

Emily Nagoski

Emily Nagoski

A gifted and engaging speaker, Emily is an expert on women's sexual wellbeing, healthy relationships, and the prevention of sexual violence and harassment. People bring Emily, because Emily "brings the science."

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