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Episode 23

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Episode Discussion

Home Forums Episodes 22 & 23 – "The Evolution of (Non)Monogamy" with Heath Schechinger

  • Episodes 22 & 23 – "The Evolution of (Non)Monogamy" with Heath Schechinger

  • Valentina 

    October 12, 2020 at 12:19 pm
    • What did you learn about yourself?
    • What did you learn about culture?
    • What was your favorite quote?
    • What surprised you most?
    • What is one way you can enact what you learned in your own life?
    • How can we each help shift the culture and the conversation surrounding this topic?
  • Hope 

    October 19, 2020 at 9:07 am

    What I learned about myself from this episode was that I personally could not be apart of a nonmonogamy relationship. I feel as though my insecurities would be heightened because if my partner wants to be with other people consistently during our relationship, what am I not able to provide? However, I liked the line that nonmonogamy is for people who want to connect with other people. I do think that this could help relationships if it was discussed previously so infidelity doesn’t happen during the relationship. The most interesting things from the episode to me were the nonmonogamy myths–consensual nonmonogamy relationships are more likely to be unhappy, nonmonogamy relationships lead to contracting more STIs, and they leave negative impacts on children’s relationships with their parents. I thought these were interesting because they all seem to be assumptions made by a person who wouldn’t be able to process a nonmonogamy relationship; they don’t seem to come from someone who has personally experienced these things. The line that said monogamy leads to lower jealousy levels also stood out to me, because Schechinger ends up saying that nonmonogamy relationships actually lead to lower jealousy levels because you both understand there will be other partners involved. Whereas, monogamy entails it is just the two people. So, if someone gets hit on or if someone ends up cheating it will leave a larger impact on the relationship due to the expectations they have for the relationship.

  • Olivia

    March 9, 2021 at 8:24 pm

    This episode was so fascinating to me because non-monogamy is something I’ve been interested for some time, but I’ve never heard an academic perspective on the topic. Dr. Heath’s work made me reflect on my own experiences with casual dating vs. more serious partners. In many ways, current dating culture connects to the concept of consensual non-monogamy: when first dating someone, you may assume they are dating other people; when the relationship progresses, you may have the conversation about being exclusive (monogamous), known as “DTR” (Defining The Relationship); from this point on, couples are usually defined as either monogamous, casual, or broken up. What is important is that both partners agree on the definition of their relationship, and neither is coerced or pressured. In my own experience, I have felt somewhat pressured to agree to monogamy after dating for a couple months – however, my discomfort with the “exclusive” label did not stem from feeling limited to only one partner; it was rooted in what the term “monogamous” or “exclusive” means in today’s dating world. For many college-age singles, the label of exclusivity suggests the next step to come: the labeling of boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, etc. I felt like if I said no to monogamy, the person I was dating would simply leave; this is why Dr. Heath’s work is so important – by normalizing the concept of CNM, it would open so many more avenues for relationships that work for everyone, rather than confining us all into boxes and labels.

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