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Studies of highly creative people and highly successful people, such as the one by the psychologist bestselling author Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, have shown that a dynamic set of seemingly opposing characteristics is a very important part of what makes them tick.

“Contradiction” or perceived cognitive dissonance is hard for our brains to process, so we tend to put the world—and people—into categorical boxes, often including ourselves. The world isn’t so simple and neither are we. The good news is that our “contradictions” can actually be quite complementary, not only to each other but to our success in life.

Sasza Lohrey

Hello, hello, thanks for tuning in to this new series of the BBXX podcast. We wanted to bring you more content, specifically more BBXX original content. And we’re using this as a chance to experiment with different topics, different formats, short format, longer format, casual interviews, more formal interviews, and a bit more fun stuff. So this new series will bring you mainly content from what I am referring to as the food for thought series, which explores different terms and terminology, or questions that might be particularly relevant to now, it might elaborate on something specific from one of our main interviews. Or it might just dive deeper into question that people have been asking me or that I’ve been wondering about myself. But we’ll also include things from fun ratings and reviews for books, movies, other podcasts, etc. To live interviews, and informal interviews with more people, perhaps such as yourself, talking more about personal narrative, and personal experiences that have shaped ourselves, our lives and our relationships. Because as much as there is to be learned from us from bx sex, or any expert, we have just as much that can be learned from all of you and from each other. In our recent interview with Alexandra fine, we talk about the importance of exploring, and better understanding different versions of ourselves different things we like things we don’t like careers we like or don’t, dating people who we can learn from and better understand sometimes, through discovering the things that don’t work or that we don’t like, to help us get closer to what it is we do want or who we do want to be with or what career we do want to have. And throughout this, the idea of contradiction comes up, and how having certain different versions of ourselves somehow can feel like a contradiction. 


Sometimes if we’re have certain characteristics or personality when we’re with one person and are a bit different with another person. But how that’s okay. In cases where, if that’s an authentic characteristic or personality trait that you have, of course, a different person might bring out a different part of you. And another one might bring up the same part of you. But in a different way. Of course, those are different people, and they have different perceptions of who you are. And that is fine. As long as that feels authentic. I think the contradiction or cognitive dissonance sometimes comes from us not being authentic to ourselves. And that is where that discomfort comes from. But when we talk about is these contradictions that exists within all of us. And those can be very basic to more complex, but you know, one very simple example could be, maybe you go on a long run, and you are a high energy person and you love exercising, being active, but you are also lazy, and at home, you won’t walk across the room to get the remote or love sleeping in really late or whatever it is, maybe you are a very responsible person, but you also love spontaneity or risk. these sort of things that I think a lot of people tend to view as a contradiction. But we explored whether that could actually be seen as a complementation. And so where is the line between those two things? 


I read this really interesting article that talks about successful people, creative people and how some of these what some people would Consider contradictions, but can actually be perhaps seen as complementation really serve them, and help them to achieve the success that they have in part because of a result. And so some of the examples could be energy levels, how you need to be, if you are going to be a founder, for example, you generally need to have a lot of energy, be able to sustain, work hard, whatnot. But you also need to know when to step back and to take care of yourself and give yourself rest when you need to. Because otherwise, you will crash and burn and you can’t maintain that level forever. Again, that idea of responsibility and dedication, but also being able to have a more carefree aspect to it and be able to have fun, because if it’s not fun, and you are too intense, then you’re not going to be able to keep it out. And I think one of the best examples is this idea where you need to really understand and have a realistic approach or insight as to what you’re working on. But you do also need to have a certain naivety and kind of be able to have those blinders or perhaps opposite of blinders be able to see the world as this oyster where anything is possible, and dream big and go after this huge goal.


 All whilst also, being in touch with reality, knowing how to deal with certain problems, knowing how far is too far to take things, what projects you can actually take on and how you can realistically grounded, go about walking on the earth and dreaming in the stars at the same time. And so one perfect example would be when people ask me what I’m doing and ask about BB xx, and the mission and vision of the company to change the culture and the conversation surrounding intimacy and relationships. It’s a pretty big concept. And I think a lot of people are very overwhelmed with how big of a concept it is. And I think I could, when I am reminded of that, or when I do sit to think about it, I would definitely be included in that. But I really don’t take the time to sit and wonder how huge and how impossible this goal is. 


Because then I would just be afraid every single day. And I would think that there’s no use in going after this goal. versus when I deal with it in a way where what I’m trying to do on a day to day basis is help people better understand themselves. So that with that newfound perspective and self understanding, they can connect deeper with other people and live more fulfilling relationships as a result. And that is completely achievable. And I think if that seems like a big goal, we are severely underestimating ourselves, and the power of knowledge. And so I would invite all of us to in the same way. See if we’re underestimating ourselves, or over estimating the negativity of these contradictions. And think about make a list of them. What contradictions Do you have, do you feel? And then think about in what ways might they serve us? And maybe some of them don’t, but in what ways could some of them perhaps be complementation ins that are actually an asset that serves you and can help you achieve your goals, whether it’s dreaming about some huge idea that you can go after, whether it’s improving yourself, whether it’s improving your relationships, all of these things, and the ways that those complementation ins can help us get there.


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